Blogs, mental health

Under-achievement

Sometimes I find myself questioning the point of life. Especially from a personal point of view. I’ve been a part of this increasingly fucked up planet for nearly 40 years and I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything of particular merit.

Take today for example. Today was one of 5 days a week I have off. I’m only at college for 2 mornings a week at the moment – that’s just how my course runs – so I’ve had the displeasure of yet another day to myself. Now you might be thinking “What’s so bad about having 5 days off a week?” Well trust me, I’ve spent over two years having 7 days a week off and it’s dull. The novelty wears off after about 6 weeks and you spend most of the time silently willing the hours away while trapped with only your own thoughts for company. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.

Anyway, back to today and apart from popping into town to pick up a fresh supply of meds to help keep me alive, and a quick stop off at the bank to pay some money in, all I’ve done is watch a ludicrous film about a time travelling aeroplane, (Link HERE if you want to endure it for yourself) and sat on my bum playing Overwatch. That’s it. That’s the sum of my achievments for today. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

When did life become so boring? Has life ever been particularly exciting?

It certainly wasn’t much fun working full time, that’s for sure. Over the years I’ve developed a real resentment for those that I’ve worked for. I know that’s unhealthy. But I feel like I’ve wasted 20 years of my life making other people rich while I’ve spent 20 years struggling both financially and mentally. That’s 20 whole years of my life that I’ll never get back.

I guess you could say I’m being ungrateful. After all, I’ve got a roof over my head, food on the table and lots of nice things to call my own.

But it’s not enough. As much as possessions are nice, I want to feel like I’ve actually achieved something in my life. For somebody, just for once, to say “Well done” and “I’m proud of you” for something that’s actually worthy and deserving of it.

1 thought on “Under-achievement”

  1. Surely being able to write an interesting and thought provoking blog is something to be proud of? So, well done on doing something creative today and turning a negative situation into something worthwhile.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s